The ADHD mask: 5 signs it’s holding you back
The Hidden Cost of Masking
Masking isn’t just about hiding ADHD traits—it’s about bending yourself into shapes that don’t feel natural. At first, it happens automatically. You quiet your impulses in school. You push through focus struggles at work. You mirror others so you seem “put together.”
But over time? It wears you down.
Because when you spend years adjusting to fit in, you start to lose sight of who you are underneath it all. That’s why so many people with ADHD hit burnout—not just from the workload, but from the sheer exhaustion of pretending.
5 Signs Masking Is Draining You
Not sure if masking is taking a toll on you? Here are 5 red flags:
1. You feel like an actor at work.
Do you tweak your personality in professional settings?
Do you rehearse what you’ll say to sound more polished?
If you could relax completely, would you act differently?
2. Social interactions leave you mentally wiped.
Do meetings or networking events drain you more than they should?
Do you overanalyze what you said after the fact?
Do you need alone time to recover from being around people?
3. You second-guess yourself all the time.
Do you hold back ideas for fear of sounding wrong?
Do you copy what others do instead of trusting your gut?
Do you struggle with decisions because you’re not sure what you actually want?
4. Your work self and real self feel like two different people.
Do you code-switch between “professional you” and “real you”?
Do you avoid letting coworkers see your quirks or passions?
Do you worry about being too much or too scattered?
5. You feel disconnected from yourself.
Do you battle imposter syndrome, even when you’re doing well?
Do you struggle to feel like you truly belong anywhere?
Do you have a hard time defining what success and happiness actually mean to you?
If you relate to several of these, masking might be draining you more than you realize.
How to Lighten the Weight of Masking
You don’t have to rip the mask off overnight—it’s been your safety net for years. But you can start showing up as yourself, little by little.
Here’s how:
1. Reclaim your authenticity in small doses.
Start small. Crack a joke. Speak your mind in a meeting. Let your quirks come through.
Research shows that being yourself at work boosts well-being and career satisfaction (Deci & Ryan, 2000). Even tiny shifts can make a difference.
2. Find ADHD-safe spaces.
It helps so much to have spaces where you don’t have to mask—whether that’s a coworker, a neurodivergent group, or a workplace that values differences.
Studies show that psychological safety reduces burnout and increases engagement (Edmondson, 1999). And if your job isn’t a safe place to be yourself, maybe it’s time to explore ones that are.
3. Challenge the need for perfection.
Perfectionism and masking go hand in hand. But research shows that perfectionism fuels anxiety and imposter syndrome (Flett & Hewitt, 2002).
Try “good enough” thinking—remind yourself this is enough when you finish a task. Progress over perfection. Always.
4. Reduce cognitive load where possible.
Decision fatigue is real, especially when you’re constantly curating how you show up. Simplify where you can.
Set routines. Automate small decisions (like a go-to outfit). Use templates at work. Little shortcuts help free up your mental energy (Baumeister & Tierney, 2011).
5. Redefine success on your terms.
ADHDers often chase external validation, but real fulfillment comes from aligning work with what actually matters to you.
Try the Ikigai framework: What are you good at? What excites you? What feels meaningful? What can you get paid for? The intersection of these leads to true career satisfaction. Where these things overlap? That’s your sweet spot. (White et al., 2024, Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology).
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Perform to Succeed
For years, I thought success meant playing the part. That masking was the price of entry into a world built for neurotypicals.
But the truth is, the more I stopped performing, the more I found work that actually fit.
I won’t lie—unmasking is hard. One of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But the more you allow yourself to show up as you, the more you’ll find the spaces (and people) where you don’t have to pretend.
